September 11 ,2001, is about the 2996 people who died in the worst recorded terrorist act in history. It is about their families and the heroes sung and unsung who fought to rescue them,(Many of who died in the attempt) it is about a great and wonderful nation and its people who rebuilt their lives and took back their dignity from a handful of cowards who perpetuated this unthinkable crime on innocent men, women and children. Finally it is also about the awareness of the terrible power of jealousy and hatred and religious fanaticism that caused this day of Hell ..... and it is also about those voices of peace, love and wisdom that silently sow their seeds of unity and Love and blow them unseen into the wilderness..
As a journalist I visited New York during those terrible days. My story is not about me..
My story is about the many great new Yorkers I met especially one such great soul who lived in the avenues of New York for many decades and said it as it was, He was the late Swami Tathagathananda a reclusive Monk .whom I first met during the days following 9/11, That was 15 years ago .
Once again the story is not about me or any attempt to exalt myself by linking my name to the events or the people I met as a journalist that day. ..I just share a first hand experience of what it was in the days that followed from the eyes of a total unknown stranger to New York that was me. As I walk down memory lane and share the simple yet profound experiences that I had as a young women,( 15 years ago) who had then recently immigrated to Canada from India and was still carrying my Press card and identify as a journalist for the Indian Press..walking through the streets of New York, talking to strangers and standing by ground zero alone just about 36 hours after the carnage I share the memories.
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My story is about the many great new Yorkers I met especially one such great soul who lived in the avenues of New York for many decades and said it as it was, He was the late Swami Tathagathananda a reclusive Monk .whom I first met during the days following 9/11, That was 15 years ago .
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It was not just The Journalistic "Spunk" or "Call" that drove me to cross the Canada border to US and see for myself and experience what it was like on that day and the days following 9/11. I had the encouragement of some of my Former Editors from the News papers back in India as well as the total encouragement of my best friend Shweta Agarwal from our Masters in Journalism program days back in Symbiosis University Pune /India too:" Its a once in a life time opportunity as a Journalist she said..you have it in you..Lipi Go do it..." Shweta is now in Boston a successful and well respected professional and a mother and wife. To her I owe much always. This was my story...
I had just landed in Canada on June 12 , 2001 a few months before 9/ 11 . I had left my home, my country and a career I loved as a full-fledged journalist to seek my destiny and dream in North America alone. My Mother had joined me in August to give me emotional support and be by my side for a few months until I found my footings and could stand on my own.
My only good friends/ well wishers in Canada were Swami Pramathananda Maharaj the late president of the Vedanta Society of Toronto and Makarand and his wife my landlords in Greater Toronto.
I had just landed in Canada on June 12 , 2001 a few months before 9/ 11 . I had left my home, my country and a career I loved as a full-fledged journalist to seek my destiny and dream in North America alone. My Mother had joined me in August to give me emotional support and be by my side for a few months until I found my footings and could stand on my own.
My only good friends/ well wishers in Canada were Swami Pramathananda Maharaj the late president of the Vedanta Society of Toronto and Makarand and his wife my landlords in Greater Toronto.
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| Swami Pramathananda Toronto |
The Planes in Toronto were grounded that day and impossible to get a booking for the next 48 hours, trains were the same and finally I got on a Grey Hound bus and headed for new York at 10 pm in the night from Toronto Canada. I left my Mom with Makarand and his wife and she smiled knowingly" Don't worry" she said to Makarand "I'm her Mother and I am not afraid of anything she does.. she has gone on very dangerous assignments in India and always came back safely...this time too she will"...This the courage and trust of my mother..greater far than I will ever be..
The US border across the Niagara falls bridge was scary...sniffer dogs and armed police officers and an air of tension and fear almost like a war time zone.." So where are you going asked the Police officer? My gut instinct stopped me from saying I was visiting New York as a journalist..my credentials would mean nothing and they needed no more"reporters" in New York that night..
" Its my Uncle Swami Tathagathananda of New York..I'm worried about him..he is old and he needs his family.." I heard myself saying in a nervous voice..( wow where did that come from I thought to myself ?} .." Swami Ta Ta whoo? asked the officer? He then grabbed a letter I was carrying in my hand..It was a print out of an email sent by my Grand father to me...
( yes my Grand father J P Mukherji was highly educated and English Speaking ) The address and phone numbers of Swami T were scribbled at the back of the sheet
The email typed by my Grand Pa's secretary had my Grand Father's words of blessing and love for me in my new life alone in Canada and prayers that one day I would find a good life partner to share the journey with and that I should never fear but always know that God was with me..I saw the officer read the words aloud and his eyes teared up and voice softened.. He said nothing..stamped my passport and wished me a safe and happy trip.and so I was on my first journey to New York the night of September 12 ,2001.I stayed awake all night of that long long trip of over 9 hours to New York..at every major stop the Police would come into the bus and check passports and identity. Finally early in the morning the bus pulled into the Port authorities Station of Central New York just by Times Square.
The email typed by my Grand Pa's secretary had my Grand Father's words of blessing and love for me in my new life alone in Canada and prayers that one day I would find a good life partner to share the journey with and that I should never fear but always know that God was with me..I saw the officer read the words aloud and his eyes teared up and voice softened.. He said nothing..stamped my passport and wished me a safe and happy trip.and so I was on my first journey to New York the night of September 12 ,2001.I stayed awake all night of that long long trip of over 9 hours to New York..at every major stop the Police would come into the bus and check passports and identity. Finally early in the morning the bus pulled into the Port authorities Station of Central New York just by Times Square.
I was nervous. The " I just got off the Boat Mode" came over me..I walked over to the Public Telephone booths and searched my purse for coins to drop in. All I could find was Canadian currency ..A Black gentleman on the next phone saw me and asked of he could help me..I saw his kind and friendly face and gave him my Canadian currency and asked if he could help me with the coins. He said" Lady don't worry " He dialed the number I needed. He spoke with my Landlords contact and got the address I was to get to and then took me to the cash exchange counter..called a cab for me, and carried my bags and told the driver where to take me. He shook my hands and told me to keep smiling and all I could say was "Thank you ..thank you "and before I got his name he had left..That was New York USA September 13th 2001 and the first person I encountered in this city and he was a blessing to me.
Makarand's contact was an American of Indian origin who went by the name Jamie. He drove me to a small family run hotel where I checked myself in. He dropped me at the reception and said he would be back in a few hours to take me to Ground Zero and anywhere else I needed to go. I showered changed, had breakfast and when Jamie came back we headed for downtown New York.
The streets were blockaded several blocks away from the down town core..The subway system was closed and Jamie had to park several blocks way from wherever we were . It took us almost 45 minutes to walk to a point where we could see Ground Zero clearly..Police, firemen, camera crews and special task forces surrounded the area. It was still being called a search and rescue operation and the crowds were being pushed back. The towers had completely fallen by now and the leaning buildings by the side of them were either being propped with steel enforcement or being readied for tear down.
as reporters we are never greater than our stories or the people we write about. They make us humble..and... It is they..that are truly great.. The day we stop feeling the pain and the..heart throbs of our brethren that day my friend..we have truly died within ourselves. Walking in the open grave of ground zero on September 13th and after , there was an eerie feeling of loss and heart break not only for America but for all mankind . To me it seemed like this was just the beginning of things to come..We feel the vibrations and thoughts of people ..we have never met and yet who we are bound to..Ground Zero was so powerfully painful and heart breaking..that to this day..I often awaken suddenly and feel the sadness of standing across the skeleton structure of the fallen towers ..the huge gaping crater that was ground zero and..I felt as if I were alone in a forsaken world and that day I cried out for God and truth and the return of warmth and love of normal human existence again in this land which has given hope and freedom to so many millions.
I spent many hours alone and with strangers including Jamie walking along and around the zone and everything seemed so unreal that it was almost impossible to comprehend . hundreds of ambulances, fire trucks, cop cars and garbage trucks were in action. Why Garbage trucks? I asked a shop keeper They are uploading the ashes and dirt from the site.
From where we were stood we could barely see the figures being pulled out from the rubble and being covered in sheets. It was like a war movie scene. Whatever news stories and statistics there were.. were being reported by the biggest news networks and any information being reported over the world was via these channels. However standing there live in person and talking with people at the scene is something that can only be felt and understood by being there yourself. You get the feeling and understand how it is for the people there from a very unique perspective.
The experience of being alone in New York just hours after the attack was like being part of something too huge for an ordinary human being like me to comprehend . The aftermath of 9/11 as a journalist truly humbled me. It was once more that I realized that
I spent many hours alone and with strangers including Jamie walking along and around the zone and everything seemed so unreal that it was almost impossible to comprehend . hundreds of ambulances, fire trucks, cop cars and garbage trucks were in action. Why Garbage trucks? I asked a shop keeper They are uploading the ashes and dirt from the site.
From where we were stood we could barely see the figures being pulled out from the rubble and being covered in sheets. It was like a war movie scene. Whatever news stories and statistics there were.. were being reported by the biggest news networks and any information being reported over the world was via these channels. However standing there live in person and talking with people at the scene is something that can only be felt and understood by being there yourself. You get the feeling and understand how it is for the people there from a very unique perspective.
The shadows of evening began to fall when Jamie dropped me off at my hotel lobby and picked me up the next morning at 9 am. He drove me to the Vedanta society of New York which is located near Central park and is in an older, more pleasant and residential area of New York. Here life was more normal that expected with New Yorkers jogging in the park..going to work and living their lives as if nothing that terrible had happened.
That was also my first meeting with Swami Tathagathananda maharaj the head of the Vedanta Society of New York. At that time I did not know that he was a very senior Monk of the renowned Ramakrishna Order of Monks head quartered at Kolkatta in India and also a world renowned monk and author of various books and held in high respect by the literary community worldwide .Plus Intellectuals and Americans and Indians ( India) from all walks of life.
That was also my first meeting with Swami Tathagathananda maharaj the head of the Vedanta Society of New York. At that time I did not know that he was a very senior Monk of the renowned Ramakrishna Order of Monks head quartered at Kolkatta in India and also a world renowned monk and author of various books and held in high respect by the literary community worldwide .Plus Intellectuals and Americans and Indians ( India) from all walks of life.
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| Swami Tathagathananda NY. |
We were told that he would meet visitors only after 10 am in the morning. Later I heard that from the early morning hours of 5 am until 9 am were spent in deep mediation and prayer in his little private shrine.
The Swami thanked Jamie for taking care of me and told me that from now on until I returned to Canada I was under his care. He gave Jamie some treats and slapped his back in a hearty grand fatherly way and then he took my hands like a loving father and said now " Ma" ( term of endearment fathers use for their daughters )tell me what are you doing here alone in this part of the world.? I grinned and told him a lot of things..He listened attentively and said.." All this reporter ..shiporter stuff is good but find yourself a good man..having love and a family is more important than any work or name you will ever make for yourself..Love endures ..it is the only thing that matters..don't deny yourself a family and a man just to pursue ambitions....but yes you have a story to tell and lets see what we can do.' He said.
Then Swami checked my appearance. I was in jeans and a casual shirt.."fair enough he said.."comb your hair nicely ..where are your socks? I told him they were wet and dirty from stepping in the puddles at ground zero. He opened his cupboard and pulled out a pair of new socks and made we wear them. " Want to look good for the Embassy guys" he said..I grinned in reply. .I was still not aware of the greatness and awe in which this monk was held by so many.here. He sat by me simple and funny..like a cute grand father who I would love to protect. Unknown to me was that even as we met he was researching and writing books on the lives of Einstein and Gandhi that became master pieces of research and study of the mind and hearts of some of the greatest human characters who lived in the last century .Any google search on the Amazon Book Store will show the vast range of books he has written from " Healthy Values of Living" to:
" Fear Not Be Strong" that have been hailed by thinkers and leaders from all walks of life..
He has spoken at Americas leading Universities and academies, hailed as one of the greatest authors and thinkers of his time within the Ramakrishna Mission and Vedanta societies world wide and above of all for those of us who knew him whether briefly or for long..he had the intense loving heart and mind of a true father...and yes he was such a spiritual giant..
Swami Tathagathananda Maharaj hailed a cab for me and he himself accompanied me to the Indian Consulate which is near Madison Avenue. We had audience with the Consul general and his secretary who gave us the news of 9/11 and its relevance to India.
Thousands of people of Indian origin live and work in New York at any given time. Wikipedia describes Indian Americans or Indo-Americans as Americans whose ancestry belongs to any of the many ethnic groups of the Republic of India. They are the most socio-economically successful minority ethnic group in the U.S., The Indian Embassy phone lines had been zapped up with calls from anxious parents and spouses back in India about their loved ones. We learn here that one of the first people who died when the first plane hit the first tower was a Indian named M Singh from Manipur who was on the 110 th floor that day. The Indian government had opened special emergency call centers to handle all overseas calls and were also ready to pay for all DNA testing of those Indians who feared that their loved ones were lost in the tragedy but could not be found. Finally and above all India considers itself a good friend and ally of America and promised the people of USA that day that it condemned this horrific act of terrorism and would stand by the Americans people against the enemies of USA in everyway. That was the breaking story with relevance to India.
The Swami thanked Jamie for taking care of me and told me that from now on until I returned to Canada I was under his care. He gave Jamie some treats and slapped his back in a hearty grand fatherly way and then he took my hands like a loving father and said now " Ma" ( term of endearment fathers use for their daughters )tell me what are you doing here alone in this part of the world.? I grinned and told him a lot of things..He listened attentively and said.." All this reporter ..shiporter stuff is good but find yourself a good man..having love and a family is more important than any work or name you will ever make for yourself..Love endures ..it is the only thing that matters..don't deny yourself a family and a man just to pursue ambitions....but yes you have a story to tell and lets see what we can do.' He said.
He picked up the phone and called the Indian Consul General in New York '' I am sending you my special reporter from India " he said.."give her all the news you have".
" Fear Not Be Strong" that have been hailed by thinkers and leaders from all walks of life..
He has spoken at Americas leading Universities and academies, hailed as one of the greatest authors and thinkers of his time within the Ramakrishna Mission and Vedanta societies world wide and above of all for those of us who knew him whether briefly or for long..he had the intense loving heart and mind of a true father...and yes he was such a spiritual giant..
Swami Tathagathananda Maharaj hailed a cab for me and he himself accompanied me to the Indian Consulate which is near Madison Avenue. We had audience with the Consul general and his secretary who gave us the news of 9/11 and its relevance to India.Thousands of people of Indian origin live and work in New York at any given time. Wikipedia describes Indian Americans or Indo-Americans as Americans whose ancestry belongs to any of the many ethnic groups of the Republic of India. They are the most socio-economically successful minority ethnic group in the U.S., The Indian Embassy phone lines had been zapped up with calls from anxious parents and spouses back in India about their loved ones. We learn here that one of the first people who died when the first plane hit the first tower was a Indian named M Singh from Manipur who was on the 110 th floor that day. The Indian government had opened special emergency call centers to handle all overseas calls and were also ready to pay for all DNA testing of those Indians who feared that their loved ones were lost in the tragedy but could not be found. Finally and above all India considers itself a good friend and ally of America and promised the people of USA that day that it condemned this horrific act of terrorism and would stand by the Americans people against the enemies of USA in everyway. That was the breaking story with relevance to India.
It is those who do not know God at all who condemn the beliefs of others. When you lose your spiritual and moral values even in daily life you lose everything" he said.
( The news report was carried by the Sunday Spectrum India and a few more news papers , but as I said that this is not a story about me and my journalistic report but about the Swami and other wonderful people I met during my stay.)
A smiling American girl who is a devotee of Ramakrishna walked me to the subway in New York that night after I bade Swami Tathagathananda Maharaj a warm and loving goodbye, As I left he told me to " Keep writing. Writing is the way we writers express what is in our hearts. Child you are never going to win the Noble Prize for Literature so relax and freely express your thoughts. You have much to share " ( The Swamis words literally).
Next morning I reached Toronto which is so much like New York but so much younger so much newer. An almost similar though smaller down town core. Great sky scrapers and our very own CN Tower, The Lake Ontario water front and safe and beautiful subway system and clean and green city made me realize how blessed we are in Canada. I prayed that jealousy and fanaticism would not touch Canada or US or my beloved India and anywhere in the world again. But I was so wrong..
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| Down Town Toronto Canada. |
I met Swami Tathagathannada maharaj a few more times when he came to Canada as a honored guest of the Vedanta society of Toronto to speak at over the years.The first few visits were very happy and affectionate reunions. He would sit with all the devotees who hung around the Vedanta center in the weekends and join them in singing patriotic Bengali songs and Rabindra Sangeet in the library and tell us stories and parables. .The last time I saw him was in the summer of May 2009. Unfortunately it was a sad and bitter last meeting..Some jealous devotees led by one old enough to be of an Uncle instigated the revered old Swami against me in an unfair manner in front of a room full of scores of people. He caught the Swami in a moment when he was tired and upset needed a break, The elderly Swami scolded me bitterly and un-relentlessly while the complainer laughed a loud and ugly laugh and was joined by many others. My Mother was visiting too at that time and the next day she was to fly back to India . She too felt the pain and sadness of that last encounter with the revered Swami and a deep sense of sadness and confusion as to why such jealousy and anger could exist in a sacred place of worship which both she and I deeply revere till this day. . The aggressive man a prominent devotee who I will never name was driven by insane jealousy and hate which he had transmitted to others for various reasons and when I look back I think it was my "karmic " way of understanding in a very small way what enmity is and what America faced during 9/11 from her enemies and how they work.
This person who accused me was once someone I respected and considered an Uncle figure since he has grown up children of my generation. He had heard a few stories about my family and our long standing connection as devotees with the spiritual organization we were all affiliated to. This is because he hailed from the same city back in India and I was naïve and I often spoke about my time as a young girl and then later as a reporter and recounted some of my wild adventures to people at the Vedanta center Toronto many of who were my friends and fellow immigrants. I spoke about the great people I was blessed to have met through the years including my first meeting with Swami Tathagathananda maharaj in New York during the week of 9/11 . I would share the stories with him and others in a spirit of camaraderie..Little did I expect that inside him and a few others was concealed such spite and anger and In an act of jealousy that would approach each one of those monks or individuals I knew in Canada and India and then try to cultivate a relationship with them and finally try to turn them against me. With Swami Tathagathannada Maharaj and a few others they succeeded momentarily. The " Uncle used his age when suitable to complain about not being given attention and " respect". At other times he hung around with people half his age and tried to act silly.I learnt later that this elderly devotee had even acquired the telephone number of my Mother and family in India and had begun to call my home with out my knowledge so dangerous and deceptive was his nature.Jealousy has no name, no age, no relationship. In the world outside the realm of temples and church gates people call a spade a spade. Anybody especially mature men or women who display obsessive behavior of any kind are simply termed as `psychos or creeps.' and that's a fact.In a temple a spiritual explanation is given for every kind of craziness. When I spoke about him to the authorities at the center I was usually brushed away and asked to forgive..to feel sorry ..but sometimes .It is impossible....America was attacked by people who lived and studied on her soil, enjoyed her freedom and prosperity and way of life and then attacked from within. The US is often condemned for not forgiving but going after its enemies and I totally empathies with that. Sometimes forgiveness is weakness and when the enemy is venomous like the 9/11 terrorists ..it should be a fight to the finish. It is symbolic that Swami Tathagathananda Maharaj and I met in New York during 9/11 and we had a relationship of so much love and understanding like father and daughter . Though I was in his company for only one day and met him only a few more times in Canada it was so significant that till this day I feel a bond of special affection for him. Yet a person who was a self styled leader of a group driven by un reasonable jealousy made my last meeting with the Swami one of tears and bitterness . The years passed the Swami was growing old and did not return to Canada and I did not visit New York since then though I have been to many other cities in the US..
Swami Tathagathananda passed away on June 23rd 2016. A few weeks after Swami Tathagathananda maharj passed away I had a vivid dream of him and then read the news of his passing on social media..When I heard the news I cried bitterly and shared with Swami Kripamayananda Maharaj of Toronto my pain and sadness. He assured me that Swami Tathagahananda had still loved me always and that the scolding of Holy Men and women are blessings and they protect us in ways unseen. To me all I could do was send a silent prayer and thought of Love to the beloved Swami Tathagathanda maharaj.
This 9/11seemed like a fitting time to pay my respects to him and all the great people of USA.
...and the lesson I learnt is to never flaunt or speak of anything precious again to anyone except those closest and dearest to us and most trusted. The US often flaunted its wealth and blessings and invited the jealousy of the world.The other lesson is that familiarity breeds contempt.
That is why I try to protect the sanctity of my home and marriage to a wonderful man named Brian who is noble and precious in everyway I keep him away from all those who have destructive tendencies and have seen my vulnerability in the past and I will always strive to keep my marriage and life with him as private and sacred as possible. Each one of us has the right to protect our family and relationships from predators. To me my family is a A Most precious Gem and gift from God. It was Swami Tatagathananda Maharaj who first prayed deeply and sincerely that I would one day meet a fine man and he would be my husband and my beloved Mother blessed our union.
So is our relationship with all those who are special and precious in our lives..whether it be parents or brothers and sisters and children., or spiritual Pole stars..
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However a note about those who are men and women of God. They come for a spiritually higher purpose. They belong to No one and to everyone...It is our destiny, karma or good actions that bring us into their company. Having a feeling of possessiveness about them is futile because like the sun drop they belong to the world and not to a few individuals. In temples, churches and places of worship we often see power centric groups or individuals trying to control or over protect a spiritual head. These people often drive others away with their jealousy and possessiveness. That is how religion and religious places become corrupted..by power in the hand of selfish individuals. Hate and not love become the central experience of these places.it was religious fanatics who committed the act of terrorism in 9/11 and that is the result of hate being preached and practiced in a religious place.Hate gives rise to more hate..and so it goes on.
.For immigrants and expatriates..Temples, Mosques, Churches and places of worship become the central meeting points where we network with other members of our community, seek spiritual and emotional comfort and share a feeling of homecoming. When that bond is broken or no longer holds a pull we disband and disperse and seek our " Peace " else where. Some of us integrate faster into the main stream culture of our chosen land and without losing our own identity take what is best of East and West and some of us find true Love in our chosen land and we become truly International citizens.Some become loners..but that's another story..However the ideal situation is when we can still keep our bonds to that Mother ship of spiritual and emotional strength which we first sought..but that does not happen always..
Finally I end with the positive memory of the trip back from New York to Toronto after covering the events surrounding 9/11. That night.at a Coffee shop in Syracuse I heard the old classic song sung by the iconic American Super Star Elvis Presley.. "To Dream the Impossible Dream
Elvis personified the all American Dream and spirit that was both loved and envied by the world..he was extremely handsome, charismatic, talented, powerful and a little known fact loved his God..in fact in his last few performances he sang about his Faith in Christ. The song To Dream the Impossible Dream often plays in my mind and heart and my husband Brian plays it for me... To all the great people who passed away on 9/11 and were the targets of terrorists anywhere and everywhere..who can never be crushed by a few cowards and can still fight a just a fight and to all who loved and continue to love and finally to the wonderful people of new York I met 15 years ago especially Swami Tathagathananda Maharaj this song is surely about the indomitable spirit in you....
To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear the unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the un rightable wrong
To try when your arms are too weary
The reach the unreachable star
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear the unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the un rightable wrong
To try when your arms are too weary
The reach the unreachable star
That is my dream..
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless,
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Whithout question or pause
To be willing to march into hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will be peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest
And the world would be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star .....
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless,
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Whithout question or pause
To be willing to march into hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will be peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest
And the world would be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star .....
